Drew is a college dropout with little sense of social restraint. As a misanthropic megalomaniac, he frequently attempts to compensate for his inherent shortcomings by playing himself off as an extraordinary individual with secret wisdom.
When not smoking unfiltered Marlboros at his local Starbucks and cursing God, Drew DJs and produces hardcore-techno under the moniker 'DJ Headkick.' He spends most of his free time playing 90's-00's-era Tony Hawk video games on his PS2. He once got a ten-million point combo in THUG2. He probably should have been writing one of the two review drafts he had due at the time, but as always, HE REGRETTED NOTHING.
Drew also has a passionate love for a wide variety of unusual and experimental music.
Zeke is a mumblemumble student at mumblemumble school. He is way more mellow than Drew and is always there to reassure Drew that life doesn't suck that much during Drew's frequent moments of psychological explosion.
When not working at the local pet shop, Zeke spends his free time reading 1,000+ page novels and asking Drew if he's done with the first drafts of his reviews yet.
Zeke is vastly inferior to Drew in every conceivable way, and one day Drew will destroy Zeke with the secret powers he's attained from his multiple alien-visitation experiences.
